Helping Kids Learn the Value of Truth and Trust
It can be confusing and even frustrating when your child tells a story that doesn’t quite line up with reality. Maybe your eight-year-old insists something happened at school that you know couldn’t be true, or your six-year-old claims an accomplishment that seems a little too impressive. As a parent, you might wonder: Is this lying? Is this a bigger problem about their character?
The truth is, storytelling, exaggeration, and even small fibs are common in childhood. In fact, research suggests that most children experiment with lying between ages 4 and 6, and these behaviors can continue to ebb and flow into the elementary school years. It’s not necessarily a reflection of poor character. Rather, it can be a signal of your child learning about social rules, testing boundaries, and even exercising their imagination. These moments don’t mean your child is destined to be untrustworthy. Instead, they reflect a slow, developmental process of learning about honesty, integrity, and trust.
Why Kids Exaggerate or Tell “Tall Tales”
Children tell untrue stories for a variety of reasons:
To impress others. Claiming an inflated score in a video game or a heroic moment at school may be your child’s way of trying to connect with peers or win admiration.
To explore possibilities. Sometimes kids blur the line between imagination and reality. A child might recount a story that mixes fact with fantasy, not out of malice but because they’re still learning to sort the difference.
To avoid getting in trouble. Kids may say they didn’t spill the milk or forget their homework because they want to stay in good standing with you and skirt a consequence. This one is perhaps the most frustrating for parents.
Responding in the Moment
The instinct to crack down with a swift “Lying is wrong” is understandable, but it rarely addresses the underlying reason for the fib. Instead, think of your response as an ongoing conversation rather than a single teachable moment.
Here are a few guiding principles:
Stay calm. Try not to react with anger or shame. This keeps the door open for honest conversations.
Share your inner monologue or ask curious questions. “Hmm, that seems unlikely. It makes me wonder if you’re telling me the whole story.” “I want to believe you but I’m not sure - is that what really happened?” Sometimes simply giving your child the chance to clarify helps them step back toward the truth.
Connect to your family values. Remind your child of what matters most in your home: honesty, trust, kindness, or responsibility. These reminders work best when repeated consistently, not just in the moment.
Building Trust Is a Lifelong Process
Children don’t learn the importance of truthfulness overnight. Understanding trust and integrity is something that requires gentle reminders, repeated lessons, and practice in real-life situations. As parents, we can help by staying calm, reflecting back what we notice, and tying our conversations back to our family values. If you sound like a broken record, you’re doing it right.
Another way to reinforce the value of truthfulness is by connecting it to small, daily moments where trust comes into play. Kids often desire greater independence and your gradual release of control is important but requires trust. Some examples include:
Letting your child pack their snack or lunchbox for school - without you checking every item.
Allowing them to go into the bathroom alone and do a thorough job of brushing their teeth or washing their hair - without you monitoring.
To help them make the connection between independence and trust, you might say something like: “We’re still working on trust and truthfulness, so I’m going to check for now. But I think you’re getting close to doing this on your own.” These conversations highlight that privileges come with trust, and that trust is built slowly through consistent honesty.
When I used to visit elementary classrooms to teach social-emotional lessons, I often told students: “Trust is slow to build and quick to break.” I likened the trust-building process to building an amazing LEGO creation, brick by brick, only to have it destroyed by a wayward kick of a sibling. Kids immediately understood that image and the heartbreak of that moment. It conjures the thought of, “Now I have to start all over!” Breaking trust is the same sad story.
Stories That Bring the Lesson Home
Children’s books and fables can also help make the idea of honesty more concrete. One of my favorites is The Empty Pot by Demi. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story is both accessible and powerful for elementary-aged children. I’ve read it to countless third-grade classes (including my own son’s), and it always sparks deep conversations about personal integrity.
And of course, the timeless fable of The Boy Who Cried Wolf still resonates. Many adults can remember the first time they heard it, and it still sticks with them because it makes clear why honesty matters for relationships and safety.
The Big Picture
If your child is telling “tall tales,” it’s not a sign of poor character. It’s a normal part of growing up. What matters most is how you respond. By approaching these moments with patience, connecting them to your family’s values, and offering repeated chances to practice trust in everyday life, you’re helping your child build the foundation of integrity that will serve them well in all of their relationships.
